“You’re mean.” This was something I heard a lot growing up. Are there mean girls? Sure, there are. But many girls who boldly speak up for themselves are often mislabeled as mean, difficult, or stuck up. However, she’s not mean. She is assertive and confident, daring with a little bit of sass and jazz.
As I’ve self-reflected, many of what others labeled me as being mean or disrespectful was really the boundaries I set. I realized calling me mean was actually someone saying, “Your boundary makes me uncomfortable. It prevents me from getting what I want, and I don’t like it.” As an adolescent, I always spoke with confidence. I voiced when someone treated me in a way I did not like. I expressed my truth, and I had clear, hard boundaries of what I would and would not accept. Over time, this became diluted. I heard so much that I was mean that I began to adjust myself to fit what others perceived as acceptable. I stopped speaking up for myself and eventually lost my voice. I stopped upholding my boundaries, and ultimately, people walked all over me.
As an adult and on my own healing journey, I’ve learned I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Neither will you. If you hadn’t heard already, setting boundaries and keeping them will remove unnecessary stress and people from your life. Boundaries allow for you to have a healthy relationship with yourself and others. Speaking up for yourself is liberating.
Stop telling young girls they are mean. If you were told this, discard that belief unless you were a mean girl. 🙂 Boundaries are set out of self-respect, and often that self-respect offends others. And if it does, so be it. People being uncomfortable because I’ve set a boundary or used my voice is not my problem. The same applies to you. The saying goes, “the only people that get upset about you setting boundaries are those who benefit from you having none.” I found this to be true. You will also find this to be accurate as you do your own work. Those who love and support you will encourage and support and respect your boundaries. Those looking to use you will be upset when they’re met with boundaries you have established.
In closing, never lose your voice. Never lose your self-respect. Stand up for yourself. Treat yourself with love and kindness. I did. The healing journey wasn’t always rainbows and sunshine, but in the end, it was rewarding. Now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. And you can have that happiness too.
Intuitive Intuition 