New love is refreshing. The sensations and excitement it gives compare to nothing else. But what do you do when your trauma gets in the way? The trauma of unhealed past relationships has put you in a mode to protect your heart. You are overly committed to safeguarding yourself due to fear of rejection. You do not want to disrupt those moments of bliss caused by having hard conversations and speaking your truth. You are afraid that expressing your needs and desires will yield a good thing to come to an end. Your commitment to fear outweighs the commitment to creating virtuous love.
On the other hand, what if you don’t necessarily have unhealed issues, but you’re stuck in your head? Your thoughts lead you to brace yourself for a sudden blow-up you are convinced will come, even though nothing signifies this would occur. Both scenarios cause you to self-sabotage because you refuse to believe that the love story unfolding is authentic.
Accepting healthy love can be difficult when it’s a love that pushes you to venture out into unknown territory. When you find yourself in this position, a harsh reality sets in, and in that reality, you see that the problem is not your spouse but you. A healthy love is one that most do not get to experience. Healthy relationships can often make people uncomfortable because they lack drama and hyperactivity. In fact, most people will label a healthy relationship as boring. Being in a healthy and cohesive partnership cultivates healthy habits and brings calm and peace. Yes, for some, something extraordinary is abnormal, particularly regarding relationships! A relationship in good standing causes an internal back-and-forth of questioning and second-guessing, allowing the head to get in the way. Let’s explore.
Let’s say you have done the work to heal your jaded heart. Why are you letting fear hold you back if that is the case? Why won’t you allow yourself to fully commit to being present in a love that is healthy and, over time, has proven to be good for you? One theory could be that you are trying to operate love using logic and logistics. Love really requires you to be all in or out. You cannot allow the fear of love not making sense logically to keep you from giving 100% of yourself to another. Love is not a calculated move you can figure out as if dealing with a mathematical equation. You just go for it. You must try to avoid the thought cycle of “what ifs” or bracing for what could go wrong. Instead, contemplate what could go right. Try not to convolute it. Overthinking can unintentionally ruin a good thing. Try to relish the moment. Discover ways to accept that you are loved simply because you are you.
Okay, so what if you aren’t healed, then what? The short answer is you need to work on your individual healing. However, I won’t spin the narrative of “you must be fully healed to have unconditional love.” You do have to be fully self-aware, though. There must be an awareness that old wounds need to be tended to, and you willingly commit to getting yourself into a healthy place. Figure out your triggers. Identify what has taken root that drives you to hold back due to fear of rejection. Be opened minded here. The source of your trauma may not be due to a romantic relationship or experience. Create an open line of communication with your partner. Speaking your truth will show that this person means you well. It will allow your spouse to help and be of support. Letting your partner in will also deepen the bond that you two have. The person for you will support you in helping you heal by demonstrating understanding and compassion, never using your pain against you. Don’t be afraid to let him/her in.
Love is simple, but we overcomplicate it. It is simple because, in our most natural state, love is who we are…love is all there is. We tend to make it difficult…because there are so many conditions and expectations we place on love. Can you imagine the love experienced if it was given and received freely? We didn’t hold back due to fear or allow our thoughts to get in the way? Consider what you would have if you created love from a place of truth, eliminating the fears, the need to hold back, or overanalyzing. That would be love in its purest form.
Accept there is no precise answer, but it just feels right. There is no formula, yet it flows elegantly and brings out the best in you.
Intuitive Intuition 
Such an incredible read and perfectly stated! It is surprising to me how a “healthy” relationship can be considered boring when it actually may be the best thing for your mental and spiritual wellbeing.
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